The Prankster apologizes for the length but the starter sentence stimulated his hyperactive imagination.
Living in a fairy tale isn’t as magical as you might think. I should know. The name’s Grimm, Jake Grimm. I carry a badge. Along with my brother Will, I’m the law in The Emerald City and the Land of Oz. It was a sunny, clear Monday in The Emerald City except for the smoky remnants of the latest sky-written message from the Wicked Witch of the West (Westy). At 10:03 AM Westy flew into the station and landed in front of my desk. I asked her why her skin had turned from green to blue. She claimed to have been caught up in the Polar Vortex during a shakedown flight on her new, FAA-compliant broomstick. Having been trained to be polite to the public, I poured Westy a cup of steaming hot Maxwell House Coffee*. She wanted to file a stolen property report so I asked for “just the facts, Westy.†Ignoring my request, Westy launched into a long-winded tale involving a flying house, a girl with a picnic basket and her little dog Toto from someplace called Kansas, a pair of electrified ruby slippers, a chorus line of singing and dancing munchkins, a cowardly lion who sang, danced and walked on two legs….you get the picture. When Westy finished I persuaded her to hold off on taking the law into her own hands and calling on her flying monkeys by promising to forward the report to the Wizard for immediate action. I know it was a snow job but those monkeys are hard to apprehend so what was I supposed to do? Speaking of snow, I no sooner got rid of Westy than Snow White burst into the station wailing and sobbing about her philandering husband, Prince Charming. She told me Cinderella was his latest paramour and Snow wanted me to arrest Cindy. I felt like saying, “What did you expect? When the shoe fits…..†but, as a public servant I thought better of it. So, once again I reminded her that adultery had been abolished as a crime since the lady, now old, who lived in a shoe had cut her swath through the Oz legislature. Then I suggested Snow seek solace from the huntsman instead of those randy dwarves who dig her. Finally it was time for lunch. In the middle of our break Will and I received a call to go out and arrest Billy Goat Gruff for trollslaughter, a misdemeanor in Oz and his third of the year. I suffered two cracked ribs when Billy butted me during the arrest but Will and I managed to leash him and take him down to the station for booking. All in all, it was just another day in Oz. Life in Oz isn’t a bowl of cherries but it could be worse; I used to be the Sherriff of Never Never Land. Someday Will and I should write a book.
*If anyone can explain the reference the Prankster will be very impressed.
