Twas the Night Before Christmas (Attorney's Version)
WHEREAS on an occasion immediately preceding the Nativity festival, throughout a certain dwelling unit, quiet descended, in which could be heard no disturbance, not even the sound emitted by a diminutive rodent related to, and in form resembling, a rat; and
WHEREAS the offspring of the occupants had affixed their tubular, closely knit coverings for the nether limbs to the flue of the fireplace in expectation that a personage known as St.Nicholas would arrive; and
WHEREAS said offspring had become somnolent, and were entertaining re: saccharine-flavored fruit; and
WHEREAS the adult male of the family, et ux, attired in proper headgear, had also become quiescent in anticipation of nocturnal inertia; and
WHEREAS a distraction on the snowy acreage outside aroused the owner to
investigate; and
WHEREAS he perceived in a most unbelieving manner a vehicle propelled by eight domesticated quadrupeds of a species found in arctic regions; and
WHEREAS a most odd rotund gentleman was entreating the aforesaid animals by
their appellations, as follows:
"Your immediate co-operation is requested. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen; and collective action by you will be much appreciated, Comet, Cupid, Donder, and Blitzen";
and WHEREAS subsequent to the above, there occurred a swift descent to the hearth by the aforementioned gentleman, where he proceeded to deposit gratuities in the aforementioned tubular coverings.
Now, therefore, be ye advised: that upon completion of these acts, and upon his return to his original point of departure, he proclaimed a felicitation of the type prevalent and suitable to these occasions, i.e.!
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"
