Terrible jokes...

[Merry Prankster]

How charming!   

What does one do to prevent slices of bacon on the griddle from curling?


Take away their little broomsticks.

[Sergeant Prankster]

Why did the Mermaid stop wearing seashells?

Because she grew into D shells.

[Merry Prankster]

The Prankster apologizes in advance to all blondes.

A man called his blonde spouse to warn her to be careful on the drive home because someone was going the wrong way on the freeway.  "It's far worse than you think," she replied.  "Everyone's going the wrong way."

[Lady Bel1]

 

How many lawyer jokes are in existence?



Only three. All the rest are true stories.

[Merry Prankster]

Oh yeah?   How many true blonde stories are there?  Not many.  There are very few true blondes.



 A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand."

Not one hand went up . . . . so she took them home and ate them.

[ponytail]

A piece of string goes into a bar and orders a glass of whisky. When the drink arrives the string gulps it down in one go then runs out without paying. Outside the string ruffles itself and ties itself up, then goes back in the bar and orders another whisky. ‘Here!’ says the barman. ‘Aren’t you that piece of string that just ran out without paying?’ The string replies, ‘No, I’m a frayed knot.’

[bacali]

How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.   

[bacali]

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing

[Rowdy]

What do Sprinters eat fro breakfast........?


Nothing they Fast

[Rowdy]

One more for the road.

What do you call security guards outside of Samsung?


The Guardians of the Galaxy 

[bacali]

 

Keep going ...you're on a roll.....

[ponytail]

Okay, since we're going the terrible pun route---What did the buffalo say when he sent his calf off to college? Bison.

[bacali]

What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.

[Rowdy]

A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

[trouble405]

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10. a pill," answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning,
I'll put the money under the pillow."
Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow.
He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110.
"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!